An Update

Here is an update to yesterday's post.

We have now switched doctor's. Done a total of 3 IUI's. I have been on varying doses of Clomid and done the Ovidrel shot. (Hello hot flashes!!! Goodbye memory!) My new doctor and new doses made improvements. Those facts along with some more personal facts, made us very hopeful on our last IUI cycle. However, it too ended in tears. We will continue on, for maybe a few more cycles, toying with hormone medications (Hello even worse hot flashes!!! Goodbye sanity! Goodbye reasoning! Memory... what memory?! Forget about it!)

All my life I dreamed of two things: marrying my prince charming & having little tots of my own. Thankfully I found Prince Charming and I wouldn't trade him for the world! His humor and his patience and his love are crucial to me these days. He is above and beyond what I ever dreamed. Sadly, giving him a child has become our battle. It's the worst pain I have ever experienced. It's truly turned my life into a roller coaster... an old wooden one that bangs and clangs and throws your neck out and makes you get off wondering why in the world you ever got on!

It's changed me and my life significantly. It's truly stolen a lot from me. The truths inside my head and heart are dark and scary and ugly. Truths I can't bear to tell most people. It has brought about changes that make things ten times harder. I'd give anything for this fight to be over... for my prince and I to stand on the other side of this battlefield and wave our victory flag. There are days when it hurts so bad that I truly do think I want to surrender. Saturday was one of them. Then I spent some time with my nephew and got a little more fight back in me. Cause I want my own toddler to spoil so badly!

It's cold and dark and very lonely. He and I are walking through this storm alone. We have clung tighter to each other, and for this I am thankful. We have lost more and more people around us though. Pray for us if you will. We need it more than people realize.