Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Someone toss me a ladder down here.

How do you grieve for the loss of a lifelong dream of getting pregnant and giving birth?

Where do I begin?

How do I get from the bottom of this pit that's full of anger, bitterness, and envy?

I want to be back out in the sunshine of life. I want to be happy again. I want to be able to look at babies again... cause I really really love babies.

Above all, I want to be happy again for the sake of my husband. God Bless him. He doesn't deserve this mess of a wife.

But for right now, it hurts. And I have to feel this pain for a bit before I can figure out how to move on.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Pigs Can Fly

Pigs must now be able to fly... cause I just got crafty. And, seriously, crafty is not my thing.

But I got inspired over at Lisa Leonard's. We are throwing a Valentine's Dance for our clients which is even more inspiration. So I gave it whirl and here is what was accomplished.

This one says Be Mine (It seemed impossible to get a picture of the entire thing that also made it readable.)

Please ignore the shadow in this one.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Lessons Learned

Lessons learned from Infertility:

1) It does not get easier with time. ~ This goes for infertility as a whole, and for all the hormone medications/injections. It does not get easier to give myself daily injections. It does not get easier to see other people getting the one thing we so desperately want. Time doesn't heal all wounds.

2) You have to remind yourself of the things you do have... of the blessings you have received. ~ It's easy to get consumed by the negative emotions this brings. It's a constant battle to remind myself how much I do have and how much worse things could be.

3) My nieces and nephews can't fill this void. Sometimes spending time with them helps. Sometimes it makes it a lot worse. The ugly reality is that no matter how great the time spent with them is, they will never be my own... they will never fill the void in our hearts. I have been thankful beyond words for being a young Aunt. I absolutely love that I had over a decade to truly just be the best Aunt I can, without my own children as more important. Once you have your own, being an Aunt takes a backseat. Sometimes it seems it actually gets totally booted from the ride altogether. I have loved every moment as an Aunt to my small boatload of nieces and nephews and I will never stop being grateful I had these years to do it.

4) I want to type very personal things about the actual appointments, but that would be very inappropriate. Can I just tell you my favorite line so far? My doctor actually used the words "manipulate your uterus" in a conversation we had. It is kinda funny to hear.

5) Tears work wonders on the receptionist/check in people. Every other approach gets me nothing but nasty comments and/or looks. Tears however, got me called back instantly. I haven't tried crying for a speeding ticket yet... but if it worked this well at the doctors office I think I'll have to give it a try with the cops too.