Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Someone toss me a ladder down here.

How do you grieve for the loss of a lifelong dream of getting pregnant and giving birth?

Where do I begin?

How do I get from the bottom of this pit that's full of anger, bitterness, and envy?

I want to be back out in the sunshine of life. I want to be happy again. I want to be able to look at babies again... cause I really really love babies.

Above all, I want to be happy again for the sake of my husband. God Bless him. He doesn't deserve this mess of a wife.

But for right now, it hurts. And I have to feel this pain for a bit before I can figure out how to move on.


Elizabeth said...

I just found your blog and my heart breaks for you. We're at the 1.5 year mark and have moved to adoption, and my heart echos every word you have written! My DH has also been worried about my faith and the sadness I have had about going to church. I'm so sorry you have had to go through all this yuckiness. :(

MrsMann said...

Hi Elizabeth! It's a dark, cold, and lonely place in this land of infertility. But I hear the rainbow on the other side of our storm is amazing. Here's to hoping we both find that rainbow soon!

Foursons said...

I don't understand, but I feel your pain through your words and am so sorry you are suffering.

Elizabeth said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog too! It does seem like we're going through some of the same spiritual realizations. I know it's good to get to this point spiritually, but it doesn't make any of the pain go away does it? It's hard to rest in Jesus' plan and love for us, while still experiencing hurt, frustration and disappointment. :/ I hope we find that rainbow soon too! Sometimes it seems like too much to bear.